


Looking up to those beneath you

by Clavain, Kasei



Series: Equal Opposite Reaction [3]
Category: Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magika | Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Genre: (for Yelena's parts), Angst, Birds, Child Carer, Drama, Female Friendship, Gen, Gen or Pre-Slash, Magical Depression, Magical Girls, Rational Fiction, Secret Identity, Slice of Life, Social Commentary, Supernatural Elements, Teenage Rebellion, Wishes Gone Wrong, Worldbuilding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-23
Updated: 2017-02-01
Packaged: 2018-09-19 12:36:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9440750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clavain/pseuds/Clavain, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kasei/pseuds/Kasei
Summary: Magical girls Yelena and Eve try to make the most of their predicament in hellscape Britain and meet by diving in a garbage bin.





	1. Yelena

**Author's Note:**

> Each chapter is an RP segment, Clavain writes Yelena and Kasei writes Eve. Both stories encompass the other as they intersect, and either set could be read independently. Each chapter alternates perspective, starting with Yelena.

I woke up feeling miserable. Of course, I knew that it would be the case the night before – my soul gem had become so tainted that I had the emotional range of an empath surrounded by crippled orphan puppies. I knew I should have gone out hunting witches the night before, but I’d been _so tired_. Not that I was feeling any more energetic this morning, but at least it was light out. Easier to spot strange happenings. 

I suppose Kyubey wouldn’t have made a deal (and birthed this new magic-me and crippled my father) if there hadn’t been need for magical girls in the area, but it still shocked me just how many witches there were, locally. How could I have not noticed them, before? The muggles had no idea what was going on, even though the most exciting thing in the local newspaper was mould at the local swimming pool or a primary school fair. I suppose “Mass Inexplicable Sadness!” didn’t make a good headline. People poked and prodded at all other aspects of our environment – building new houses, reaching deep into the sea and up past the stratosphere – it bothered me that they were so inconsistent when it came to their own daughters. 

Witches defied everything I knew. And… I… I knew things. Every time something bothered me or I wanted to know _why_ they were I asked my father or looked it up online. I knew the rules of the planet. Physics was one of the subjects I found more interesting, even if I was worse at it than others. And yet… magic didn’t fit into any of that. I was still loathe to even call it that; “magic” sounds so picturesque and manmade – but what else could you call the ability to turn rocks into birds made of pure energy? 

One thing was certain: I wanted to learn the rules that governed this magic. Maybe I could exploit them, or at least learn to use my own better. I had a notebook for the purpose, something which would have been more effective had I not been the sloppiest, least methodical person ever created. It had notes scrawled in it, important information, really, but very poorly ordered and difficult to read. Mostly practical rather than theoretical – things that Kyubey should have told me before he left.

 

My main observations were:

 

  * Using your power, both transforming into the bizarrely impractical outfit and making birds, taints your soul gem.
  * Taint in the soul gem corresponds directly to mood. Feeling sad taints the soul gem, and a more tainted soul gem leads to more sadness. It’s a vicious cycle that can only be stopped with grief seeds.
  * Witches have different strengths and abilities. How to determine this from outside is unknown.
  * Witches alter the behaviour of people around them ~~, kind of “possessing” them, or maybe influencing serotonin?~~ They make people sad.



 

I wasn’t getting very far. I still wanted to experiment more, especially about what would happen if my soul gem taint reached critical levels. The thing was, utter taint was so difficult to endure – such pure despair – that I just couldn’t tolerate it for long enough to find out what would happen. For others, like trying to damage my soul gem to check durability, or to test its effect on my powers, I would need a partner – of which I had none. A few people at work spoke to me, but they weren’t the kind of friends you involve in dangerous experiments over a power you extralegally acquired from a small catlike creature. 

More tests were planned. I’d like to write a rulebook or guide sometime for new magical girls, or to present something to the scientific community. Of course, I’d need much more information and detail before I attempted that. I’d need to know every working inside out. My level of rigorousness basically ended at looking at my soul gem under a microscope too cheap to even detect abnormalities. 

An alarm clock in the other room brought me out of my thoughts. Right. Dad. 

I would never be able to describe the relationship I had with my father. It was much easier to just go over to his room, turn off the alarm, and walk through the motions without thinking about it, or of him as dad. Today I needed to be at work – wow turns out being a full-time carer doesn’t warrant full-time pay, thanks government – so I’d feed him and set him up in front of the TV. Hopefully the visiting social worker wouldn’t cite me for neglect again. 

That had been the most fucking unjust shit I’d ever experienced. I had to work, because although the house was paid off I didn’t have access to his money and had no idea how to go about getting it. We needed food, electricity, heating, and their benefits didn’t even come close to covering it. So, I set him up, nice and comfy, in his fucking adult nappy (I hate thinking about it, but it’s better than cleaning shitstains out of the couch) and went off to toil. Social worker comes over and sees me away from post, not being his full-time carer. I get cited and have a three-week penalty of no government money. Had to work fucking triple shifts at the warehouse and pull in a fuckton of favours to compensate. Still barely covered the bills. 

Today I really had no other choice, though. The state wanted a contradiction from me: 24-hour care provider earning pennies and simultaneously only wage-earner in the house. I’d wash him tonight, I didn’t really have time before work today. Leading him to the toilet, pulling down his pants – part of routine, routine, I told myself. I just- it was difficult to cope with it all. Watching over him as he ate breakfast, then gently leading him to the couch and turning on a nature programme for him. Volume low. 

I got my bike and cycled over to work. I was employed at an Amazon warehouse, you know the ones. [Accused of “intolerable conditions”, where they fine you for sick days and people camp outside to save on commuting costs](https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2016/dec/11/amazon-accused-of-intolerable-conditions-at-scottish-warehouse). Luckily, my one had a really nice supervisor who couldn’t change the pay but could change the demands and stand up to her manager. It really wasn’t bad work, if slightly boring, but it was absolutely excruciating on a near-empty soul gem. I couldn’t just skip my shift and go witch hunting, though, I needed the money and I didn’t want to lose my job. I was seventeen, so legally they could pay me peanuts. Minimum wage only applies for eighteen and over, that was why this warehouse job was so important; they paid me like an adult. 

By the time my shift was over my vision was black at the edges and I could hardly move. The monotony of the capitalist labour economy was bad enough _without_ supernaturally-inflicted depression. Plus, my job involved a lot of physical exertion, running and the like. 

I did notice one of my co-workers acting strangely. Her name was Judith, a mother of three, who never stopped trying to show everyone and anyone photos of her kids from a smartphone she could barely operate. She was friendly enough, I felt vague affection for her because she often said that someone my age shouldn’t be working like this and gave me free money. She couldn’t afford to give much, but she still shared, and that was heart-warming in a world where massive supernatural personifications of misery only I could see showed up all the time and started killing people. 

Only today she was completely silent, pupils dilated wide. She looked high. Yeah, I’ve smoked some pot while out tagging walls, but this was different from that. Further removed. One theory I entertained from time to time, one nowhere near concrete enough to be recorded, was that since becoming a magical girl Kyubey did something else to me. Somehow shifted my presence to… to coexist in another plane of reality at the same time? An overlapping parallel universe? Basically, that when he made me able to see witches and labyrinths he also brought other sight. I could be somehow entwined with this magical layer, tuned to these magical happenings and able to detect the abnormalities and way magic exists separately to this world, somehow on top. I think all magical girls have their… essence (it’s so difficult to think about things in this abstract “magical” way) moved so that they not only see witches, but are aware of an entirely new theatre of existence. 

Anyway, to me it seemed like she was under the influence of some kind of magical interference. I followed her after work; I’m not particularly stealthy or good at being unseen, but she was so wound up in whatever was glamouring her that she didn’t seem to see me. At one point, she wound around a corner and I saw the rest of my co-workers there in a circle, facing a dustbin. _Cult to trash_ , I couldn’t help but think, my humour as always out-of-touch with the severity of the situation. 

Oh shit. I really didn’t want my work life and secret magical girl life to collide. Maybe I could pretend to be disoriented like these muggles, attribute it to mass hypnosis or something? People like easy and familiar explanations. I was getting ahead of myself, anyway, I was running very low. No knowing if I could even beat this witch. Could I die in a labyrinth? I didn’t want to find out. 

As though acknowledging my presence, a huge black pillar of darkness shot out of the lid of the bin, in quite a flashy way. If there were any other magical girls in the area (I hadn’t met any yet, but I’m sure Kyubey wouldn’t have stopped at me) then they’d have been alerted. Competition. The thought of someone else taking the grief seed I so desperately needed sent me diving headfirst into the trashcan, the obvious entry to the witch’s labyrinth. Literally in a garbage bin. The first witch I took down was in a tree, I mean sure the tree died and trashcans can’t die, but I’d still prefer that over this. 

The quality reality took on inside the maze threw me off-guard, as always. I would fit in if I put on my costume, but I’d determined quite early on that it didn’t give me any strategic advantage and that I could use my powers quite easily without it. Anyway, reality was quite broken, with giant hostile origami cranes thrusting their unusually sharp beaks at me. They were formed from sheets of metal instead of paper. 

I took the appearance of this witch’s projections very personally. Birds were _my thing_. I quickly dodged to the side, avoiding a jab of one of their beaks, while concentrating on the two rocks I threw upwards. There was no time to get my slingshot out. The stones transformed into swans formed of pure, glowing energy. I scowled, dodging again. Swans are really not great on the offensive. 

The battle between birds began then, my white glowing ones against those vicious gleaming ones. I threw a few more stones into the fray, these became sparrows which joined the assault to little effect. I really needed to work out how to control which birds formed, otherwise I might get unlucky and run out of rocks before I formed anything big or bad enough to do damage. 

The other decoration here seemed to be mostly music-themed, violins and cellos sawing away and strings of music trying to choke my creations. Once I formed my avian army they tended to command attention, which was good because there’s only so many times you can dodge knifelike beaks or telekinetic drums trying to knock you unconscious. I was lucky my job involved exercise and I was in relatively good shape when my survival depended so heavily upon my physical ability. 

While those birds occupied the early projections, I travelled deeper. Monsters the witches create are powered by the witch, or at least they dissolve when the witch does. Until then, they are limitless in number – unlike my ammunition. The best strategy was to create a few of my constructs to cover me while I went for the source. 

Then everything went to shit. 

Intending to go deeper, I turned around without checking if my birds were still holding up against the onslaught. The second I did so, I felt bone-deep despair course through me – moments of paralysing sadness are one of the symptoms of a very tainted soul gem – catching me off-guard. At the same moment one of the violins etched out the skeleton of a very familiar piece ( _his favourite_ ) and I lost control. He couldn’t appreciate music anymore. I… I had taken that away… 

Falling to my knees, I groaned in pain, my bird constructs dissolving behind me and leaving my exposed back defenceless. 

“Fuck.” 

I… I wasn’t giving up… but… I was so tired… my hand couldn’t quite move to reach a rock…

And that was when I saw her.


	2. Eve

Out of my bedroom window, I watched my Mother's car wind its way around the corner, the sound of the engine in the stillness evening slowly fading away. _Freedom._ When it felt like she had truly gone, I let out a breath that I hadn't realised I had been holding. _This is it. This is the moment I'd been waiting for._

 

My recovery had been viewed as a miracle. There was no conceivable way that I would have just recovered both my vision and the use of my legs overnight. Yet the doctors had had to let me go; after all, no matter how anyone looked at it, I was healed, and my mother wouldn't let them do any unnecessary tests to find out _how._ "What counts it's that you're back to perfect health, Eve," she had said in a way that almost felt like affection. That feeling was quickly erased when she transitioned into talking about my future. _Fuck that. I've got more important things to worry about than what studies I'll be doing next year._

 

I looked down at my right hand : on it, the ring Kyubey had given me almost seemed to glow in the fading evening light. _Soul gems. Witches. Grief Seeds._ I sighed again, steeling myself up for the evening. It was the first time since returning from hospital that Mother had left me alone for long enough to go anywhere on my own. Despite my miraculous healing, she seemed to think it could reverse itself at any point, and that I would fall into a coma again or something. Or at least, that's what her attitude suggested, what with the way she kept tabs on me non-stop. Yet the need to get outside was growing ever more pressing. From the ring, I made my soul gem appear : it seemed darker that when I had first done this. So had my mood. Only five days had passed since I had left the hospital, yet every day brought with it an extra weight upon me, dragging me down, sucking the colour from the world. _Kyubey warned me about this, though, didn't he ? I just need to beat a witch, and I'll be better again._

 

And so that's what I had decided to do. In the freedom my mother's absence had given me, I was going to go outside, find a witch, and kill it. I'd be saving people from the damage it could do. I'd be helping. _This is what I wanted, right ?_

As I watched the last few rays of the sun disappear behind the tall buildings in the distance, I couldn't help but realise how stupid this all sounded. Did I have a plan ? No. Did I even know what witches looked like, or how to fight them ? Nope. All I really knew was something about labyrinths, which witches created…? Right now, I really wished that Kyubey had given me better instructions.

But it had to be done, one way or another. I had no choice but to try and find one. I'm sure I'd recognise it when I saw one, right ?

 

The abrupt change in lighting when the sun finally did disappear snapped me out of my indecision. I was wasting time. I needed to get moving, now.

 

Wandering the streets alone in the feeble light of the evening, I couldn't help but recall the night of the accident. It had been night, then, but the same feeling of sneaking out, the same eerie loneliness of this situation, seemed to draw a parallel that I wished I hadn't thought of. _I don't want to think of that night. The night that ended up forcing to make that horrible choice…_ Regret somehow spurred me on, renewing my determination to get my job done. In a way, my father had died so that I could save people from witches. That was my purpose; to help, to purge, to make the world a better place. That was why I had chosen to become a magical girl.

 

_Also, because you're a selfish, horrible person._

 

I did my best to block out those intrusive thoughts. Ever since the wish had been granted, I had been fighting them. This evening, I'd prove them wrong. I'd prove that I truly am a magical girl, here to fight the hidden evils in the world. I'll prove that father can be proud of my choice. I'll prove that I wasn't selfish.

 

That's what I was telling myself, at least, but as the evening grew closer to the night and I was still wandering around as if I were lost, my resolve started to falter. I had been looking for something, anything, that seemed unnatural, magical, or even just suspicious, but not matter how hard I looked, it was the same boring town it had always been. _Aren't I meant to instinctively know when a witch appears, or something ? Or have some way of tracking them ?_ I felt quite powerless; I, a lone girl, walking around in what I had just realised wasn't a great part of town. I hadn't been paying much attention to where I was going, hoping that the appearance of a witch would have happened by now to guide me, but now that I took in my surroundings, I noticed I had ended up in the more industrial part of town; warehouses and mostly abandoned buildings crowded around me, their imposing shapes making me feel even smaller. My pace became uncertain, slowing down, eventually stopping. I wasn't going to achieve anything like this. I didn't know what I was doing. I was just a foolish girl who had bitten off more than she could chew, and, and…

 

_Oh. Wow._

 

Towering above even the rooftops of the buildings around me, some kind of black pillar had shot up into the air; a dark energy, the edges shimmering yet, was radiating some kind of power as it cut a sinister line into the dark purple of the evening sky. _This is it. It has to be, right ?_ I stared at it, transfixed, for a few seconds, before coming to my senses. _I have to go to its source, right away. This is my best chance at finding a witch !_

 

With renewed vigour, I started running towards the pillar of darkness. From where I was, it seemed to be behind a few more buildings, no more than a minute or two away. Yet, because of the way the streets were built, I had to go the long way around some; every second  I wasted made me anxious, worried that my beacon might vanish before I got there.

 

Out of breath, I finally turned a corner, coming across the source of the dark fountain. It was… _a… a trash can ?_ Regaining my breath, I stood there, staring at it for a few seconds, not fully understanding what I was looking at. Out of a bland, metal trash can, the dark energy poured into the air; around, a bunch of dazed looking people seemed as transfixed by it as I was confused. I tried getting the attention of one of them, to no success. Then, as abruptly as it had started, the pillar vanished. _Shit, shit !_ I ran up to the trash can, worried that I was too late. Yet, when I peered into it, the strange darkness was still present. It seemed to waver slightly, almost like a very viscous liquid. Looking around me, I noted that the other still hadn't reacted. Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes, and plunged my hand into the darkness. It went into it like nothing was there, yet I couldn't see my hand any more. When I pulled it back out, it seemed fine. _Well, here goes nothing._

Gulping nervously, I tried putting a leg through the dark gap; realising I couldn't touch the bottom of whatever that place was, I ended up raising the other leg over the metal rim, sitting on the edge of it. Like a child sitting on the edge of a dive board, too nervous to jump properly, I hesitated, before pushing myself over the edge, allowing myself to fall. And fall I did, for a surprisingly long time; as I fell, strange patterns flew around me, eventually taking form. _Birds, and… are those musical instruments ?_ Everything had a strange, dreamlike quality to it; even the way some of the patterns moved seemed erratic, like some kind of repeating slideshow. And then, I hit the ground.

 

Somehow, I wasn't hurt, even though I felt like I had fallen for much too long. Regaining my footing, I noticed some movement coming from behind me : _metallic sheets ?_ Stepping a little closer to one of them, I got a closer look at it : it looked like a giant origami crane, except instead of being made out of paper, it seemed like it was metal that had been folded into an avian shape, of a texture that reminded me of the trash can I had had to jump into. Even more surprising was how it seemed to be alive : it had a dent in its side, like it had received a considerable impact.

And then, when I got too close, it managed to right itself, suddenly lashing out with its razor-sharp metal beak.

It had been too far away to harm me, but I still jumped back, suddenly on edge. _This is a witch's labyrinth. I can't afford to be idly curious._ As I scolded myself, I summoned my soul gem from my ring : it was time to test out my powers.

I couldn't really describe what I did, or how I seemed to instinctively know how to do it. It was like liberation of power coming from inside me, enveloping me entirely, transforming me; the magic energy (for that was the best way I could describe this exhilarating power rushing through me) made me feel faster, lighter, stronger, in every way. The area I was in glowed with a blinding purple light, of which I was the centre. When it faded, I realised my clothes had been altered dramatically : I was wearing a short purple dress with white stripes highlighting the centre and the cuffs, which ended in a wavy fold of material that reminded me of pictures I had seen on Victorian dresses. I was surprised, and more so confused, about the change, but I didn't really have time to think about it; the metal bird was getting ready to try and impale me again.

 

Again, as if by some strange instinct, I knew how to summon my weapon. I kind of just… thought about it, and it happened : purple energy surrounded my hands, almost like an eerie flame, before flaring out of my fingertips : after a second or two, it solidified into the shape on long claws, like I was wearing a large glove made of pure energy. Again, not what I had expected. It didn't matter though : I needed to use whatever I could, right now.

 

Lunging at me, the sharp shard of metal forming the bird's beak narrowly avoided gouging one of my eyes out. I narrowly dodged to the side, before thrusting my arm upwards, slicing through the metal neck  as if it really had been paper. It fell to the ground, now completely still. I was surprised by my own reflexes; hadn't I always been told I was clumsy ? I definitely felt like a different person; reinvigorated, reborn, ready. The small room (could I even call it that when the walls seemed abstract, an absurd amalgamation of shifting shapes that barely seemed physical ?) I was in was now still; over the sound of my heavy breathing, I heard the sound of a violin being played coming from further down the labyrinth. _Another human ?_ It seemed unlikely that anyone would be playing any kind of instrument in such a place, but I advanced cautiously anyway.

 

Turning a corner, a much larger space opened up in front of me. The room was tall, fading into darkness before I could make out when it ended; floating around in this vast, strange space were musical instruments, playing an air I faintly recognised all by themselves, circling like birds of prey around a carcass. And then, I noticed who the victim would be : in the centre, on her knees, was a girl, visibly in pain, surrounded by a group of the metal birds. _Fuck, this is bad !_

 

Without thinking much further, I dashed towards her, coming to stand by her side, defiantly facing the incoming threat. It seemed logical to me : witches were dangerous, they killed people, right ? So she must have been a victim, dragged into this labyrinth to be torn apart by the unforgiving edges of the metallic beaks. Maybe the people hypnotised around the trashcan were next to suffer this gruesome fate. Maybe some had already fallen to them. I didn't want to think about that.

 

"Hey. I'm Eve," I started in what I hoped was a reassuring tone. "What's your name ? Have you been wounded ?" Before she was able to reply, the closest bird charged towards us. I swept my glowing claws in an arc towards it; this time, though, it jumped over my attack. _Shit, they're not entirely mindless._ It turned in mid air with a flap of its metal wings, emitting a horrible screeching sound; it was poised to lunge forwards, beak first, at the girl. I wanted to intercept it, so I jumped; I was startled to find that I could jump several metres into the air, ending up at the same level as the bird. Making the most of the fact that it couldn't dodge as well in the air, I slashed at it again, rending it into three ribbons of metal that landed harmlessly on the ground behind the weakened girl. Again, I landed without harm, right next to her; gravity must not have much of an effect on magical girls.

"I don't know how you ended up here, but I'll get us out of this, ok ?" It felt good, reassuring her. Like I was helping. Doing what I was supposed to do, following the path I had chosen. I felt a small rush of elation; I was protecting someone, preventing witches from doing any more harm. My promises hadn't been empty excuses to save myself.

 

The rest of the birds were advancing faster now; one by one, I lunged at them, dodging the blades of their beaks and wings, doing acrobatics I never thought would have been possible for me, before tearing them in half with my strange, yet apparently very effective, weapon. I wasn't accustomed to this new power, though, and sometimes underestimated it; at one point, I jumped too far away from one bird, making me land right in the range of another. It seized the opportunity, lashing out at me; I didn't quite dodge it in time, resulting in a gash through my sleeve, and a cut in my arm. It hurt, but somehow less than it probably should have. _Adrenaline ?_

 

I kept checking on the mysterious girl, making sure she wasn't in immediate danger. Somehow, she didn't really seem surprised about what surrounded her; all I could read on her face was profound fatigue. "Barely any left !", I reassured her. I wasn't used to being in the position of a protector : my words felt somehow fake, like I was only acting out a role that wasn't mine. _No, screw that. I chose this. This_ is _my role, now._

The last of the birds falling to the ground with a metallic clatter, I turned to her, breathing heavily, yet forcing a reassuring smile on my face. The battle had taken a lot more out of me than I had realised : magic seemed to compensate for a lot of my physical flaws, but not entirely, it seemed. I extended a hand towards her.

"Can you stand up ? I really should get you out of here; who knows how many more of those things there are." I felt like telling her I was a magical girl, and that I still needed to find a witch, whatever that was, would only overwhelm her further. If she was safe, I could finish my job unhindered.

 

That, however, became suddenly a lot less likely to happen.

 

Descending from the darkness above us, a huge, complex shape came into view. At first, I could barely understand was I was looking at : erratic movements twisted its outline, and great, undefined shapes composed what vaguely seemed to compose its body. When it got closer, and fully exited the darkness, I could make it out more clearly. The clarity didn't help explain what I was looking at, though.

The monstrous shape seemed to have a body shaped like a violin -no, it was actually a giant, distorted-looking violin ? Replacing the top of the violin's shaft was its head, even though it was barely recognisable as one : vaguely spherical, a gash split it in half, and rows and rows of sharp-looking white slabs lined the resulting opening. Yet, in a regular pattern, I noticed some of the teeth were black… _Piano keys ?_ They rippled in a rhythmical way, playing an eerie tune that accompanied the rest of the ghostly instruments. The violin-like body was resting on an innumerable amount of legs; like the cranes, they were folded metal slabs, wriggling independently of one another like the legs of a giant mutated origami crab. From the back of this creature sprouted a myriad of sharp-looking origami wings, spreading out theatrically like the depictions I'd seen of the Buddhist gods with a thousand arms. Nothing in the labyrinth even came close to the awe-inspiring surrealism of the creature looming in front of me. Next to it, I seemed tiny, insignificant; the feeling of power, the rush of elation I had felt, vanished, crushed away by the oppressive despair it inspired in me.

 

This, I decided, had to be the witch.

 

I looked towards the girl, once again. There was no way I could just escort her out, now that the witch was in front of us. If she could escape by herself, that would be great, otherwise… Otherwise, I was going to have to protect her, whilst somehow taking down this monstrosity. I gulped, terrified.

 

"Right," I said, more to myself that to her, "I can do this. I'm going to kill it. So, try and stay safe until that happens, ok ?" Again, I tried to force a reassuring smile, but it was visibly faltering. I wasn't confident at all.

 

But I had chosen this path. I had sacrificed my father for this. So as terrified as I was, as hopeless as it seemed, I leapt into the air, claws flaring out of my fingertips, ready to try and tear this creature apart.

_For him._


	3. Yelena

Lying there, on the floor, I almost gave up until I saw a flurry of purple and yellow rushing towards me. A magical girl wearing one of Kyubey’s ridiculous outfits – a purple striped short dress – had arrived. I stiffened immediately. I needed help, but, but… Ultimately, she was one thing: competition. Who would want to help _me_? 

 _Please_. I thought at her, unwilling to compel myself to speak out loud. _I need the grief seed. I need it._  

We locked eyes. Her hands had glowing purple claws protruding from them, those must be her weapon. They were very different from my own. Maybe if I survived this I could ask her to do some tests on how they worked, or ask questions about how they operated? Did she have sensation in them? 

“Hey. I'm Eve." Her tone was laced with patronization masquerading as reassurance. "What's your name? Have you been wounded?" 

Before I could snap some quip about her costume she executed a flashy jumping attack that… well, firstly it wasn’t that well executed. She missed the bird the first time, and it was obvious how inexperienced she was. The attack pattern was wasteful and she looked _surprised_ by her defiance of gravity. Just my luck: an amateur. 

The second and perhaps more interesting thing is that she did it to protect me. I hadn’t met any other magical girls, but it must have been obvious to all of them that we were _competing_. It wasn’t a team game. And she saved my life, which was so… so selfless. She didn’t have to kill me – she could have _let me die_. It wouldn’t have been her fault, and then there would have been no squabbling over who got the grief seed. 

Maybe this “Eve” was just stupid. _Maybe not everyone’s a vicious murderer who killed their own father._  

I identified the second thought as being a product of my tainted soul gem, but it didn’t lessen the impact. I winced. 

Then she spoke again: "I don't know how you ended up here, but I'll get us out of this, ok?" 

A do-gooder, then. I nodded, relieved. She’d help me, but what would she want in return? _Soul gem!_ I chided myself. _You wouldn’t be thinking like this normally. All cops are bastards, not all people. She could just be nice._  

What followed next was… embarrassing. She’d given me an opening, I really should have gotten up and throwing my birds at those shitty aluminium foil origami cranes. Instead I stayed on the floor and watched her struggle. Maybe “struggle” is too harsh – she only received one flesh wound – but although her movements were very purposeful they betrayed uncertainty in her own strength. She hadn’t tested her boundaries as a magical girl yet? Was this her first fight? She left openings, she was lucky not to be hurt more severely. Those claws were strong though – one slash and the projections fell apart. I wondered what she could do to a witch. Could she adjust the position or length of her claws? 

Eve turned to look at me, leaving her back open and indulging in a very unnecessary distraction. “Barely any left!” 

I was going to reply, but before I’d gathered my wits enough to do so she’d efficiently killed the last few birds with those claws. Had I been underestimating her? It was so difficult to just _exist_ in this tainted soul gem state, where I had to question my perception and judgement of everything. Normally I just blocked emotions out, but these, well, they were much too intense for that. They made me doubt everything. 

“Can you stand up?” 

I blinked up at her and said the first thing that came into my head: “Does it look like I can stand up?” 

There wasn’t a chance for her to respond to my slurred snark. The Witch descended. 

In my experience, witches are a numinous experience that force you to acknowledge your own frailty in an unnecessarily depressing way. They’re literal black holes of despair that suck the happiness straight out of you. The kind of things you want as an antagonist in a story because they’re pure evil, despair literalized, indefensible. Inhuman. A kind of primal chaos that doesn’t discriminate, that no one could really support. Something you could get behind people erasing utterly. There’s nothing redeemable about them, no moral complexity. 

This one looked like a twisted violin with more wings than could fit onto its back. Like space was actually distorting around that area, allowing more to fit in than could normally. It hurt my brain, labyrinths always did. It moved like a spider, scuttling along on countless metal legs that would have made a clicking sound if they had been audible above the sound of those… those _teeth_. I didn’t want to think about the teeth. This abomination, monstrosity before me was singing, accompanied by an ethereal army of projections. The music hurt. It wasn’t unpleasant or out-of-tune exactly, hell it wasn’t even inappropriate as a battle theme or something I might listen to when tagging a building, but it… it hurt me. Like needles in my brain and under my skin. 

"Right, I can do this. I'm going to kill it. So, try and stay safe until that happens, ok?" Eve was shitting herself with terror, understandably. Her cute smile was faltering. She moved to jump at it and glanced back at me to check I was okay. 

That one act of compassion broke through my supernatural misery. This beautiful girl was fighting this witch, probably her first witch, and protecting me? Risking her life for me? I pushed myself up on one arm. The taint in my soul gem could wait. One battle first.

“Don’t forget about me!” I yelled in her direction, fuelled by desperation and hope. 

On trembling legs, I stood and reached to my pocket for a stone. She’d probably think I was a muggle, throwing rocks at it (had she realized I was a magical girl, actually? I wasn’t in uniform and that would explain the coddling), but that was how my power worked. Equivalent exchange – I theorized some form of nuclear fission – breaking the rock apart on a molecular level to produce the energy required for one of my energy birds. Then again, with sentient energy birds and this physics-defying monstrosity in front of me I really couldn’t apply my old rules. This was unlike anything I’d ever studied before. I mean, how would my fingers cause a reaction like that? 

“Stop rationalizing, start fighting.” I mumbled to myself with a stone in hand. 

The Witch was cackling out that horrible mind-breaking tune. Full of furious intent to shut it up, I hurled my largest rock, aiming directly at its face. The stone broke into a massive bird I couldn’t identify, something bigger than any other projectile I’d produced, and flew directly into the Witch’s mouth. Eve might have made a noise of surprise behind me, but I could have imagined it. I was focused on the battle. Everything else faded into the background. 

“Let me handle it.” I yelled in Eve’s direction. “I’ve done this before.” 

It took about three seconds for the result of my attack to become apparent. An ear-shattering noise mercifully blocked out the discordant notes as the Witch’s head exploded in a burst of white light. Witches aren’t that easily slain, of course, but I had made a serious dent. Now the gash that had been its mouth had split entirely in two, leaving the violin neck dangling brokenly. It took the witch about two seconds to recalibrate, and then it was throwing the piano keys that had previously been its teeth in our direction. 

I immediately dodged two with a crouch, throwing a rock which turned into a sparrow in time to deflect the third. I couldn’t check on Eve now. Magical girls are resilient, she’d be okay but she needed my help with this one, or at least would want it. I threw a flurry of gravel in the Witch’s direction. I hadn’t tested this much, but in general small stones (the kind people use on their driveways) turned into explosive sparrows for me. These ones did not disappoint, flying straight into its face and shattering several teeth with their loud blasts. 

The next logical target was the legs. Stop mobility so it couldn’t lunge at us – huge melee weapons like that can’t be dodged and are very difficult to take out mid-attack with ranged weapons like mine. I reached for another rock, hurling it. This one was less helpful – it became some kind of stork and started pecking at the legs. With its body shape that wasn’t a good target, but the moment I thought it should be piercing the wings instead it flew upwards and started stabbing huge holes in the wafer-thin paper. If only using my powers didn’t taint my soul gem so I could test this, see if it was a coincidence or if I could control the birds more. My power seemed so vague, brimming with potential and room for expansion I didn’t know how to access yet. I’d laughed at Eve earlier for her ineptitude, but in reality I was just as clueless about my own abilities. 

The origami wings expanded, crushing my stork into nothingness as they occupied all available space. The music had started again (or had it never stopped?). My soul gem was really weighing me down, but if I could just, I could just do this- 

I didn’t make any noise as one of the Witch’s teeth pierced my leg the whole way through and continued flying on the other side, shattering bone and displacing flesh, leaving a massive collapsed hole which oozed blood. It didn’t hurt (I wouldn’t have even _known_ it had happened if I hadn’t fallen over and _seen it_ ). I didn’t seem to feel pain as strongly as others nowadays but I attributed the lack of sensation to shock. Grim-faced and from the ground, I threw another handful of gravel, this time envisioning the Witch’s legs exploding. I was _angry_ , and that displaced the despair. My army of furious tiny birds latched onto the joints. The legs blasted apart only moments later, luckily missing me as the metal pylons fell apart like they’d never been part of a greater whole. Like puppets with cut strings. 

More limbs sprung out from where I’d displaced them, old ones reattaching. I had to strike now, the neck was knitting back together and everything I’d done could be _undone_. Witches regenerate. The wings were already too numerous to count, almost threatening to crush some of the projections the way they’d crushed my birds. Speaking of projections, they’d been surprisingly inactive. Waiting to spring? Maybe they were focusing on that song, since they were all instruments busy playing. Psychological warfare. 

I jumped up supernaturally high on my one leg (if I didn’t look at the other one, didn’t think about it, then maybe it would just go away…) and violently hurled a jagged piece of granite directly down the Witch’s open throat. I couldn’t see what it turned into, it was shining so brightly, but I could see the Witch slowly collapse as it peeled away the exterior. It looked like someone had shattered it – the beak(?) was thrusting through its exterior and creating holes surrounded by cracks. Wounds. The song got louder but almost choked, desperate, faster. 

Almost as desperate as me. My creation sensed its weakness through me and… expanded? It shattered through the Witch like a shell, exploding into white light. I still couldn’t make out its form before it faded with the Witch, the projections, the labyrinth, everything, all dissipating in the wake of my magic. We found ourselves on tarmac, surrounded by my disoriented and unresponsive work colleagues. 

The grief seed made a gentle tapping noise as it hit the ground. Fuck! I needed that. Without looking at Eve, or even considering my leg, I pulled myself towards it and grasped it in one hand, pushing it into my soul gem. Instantly, I felt better. The tension was resolved, the crippling despair gone. 

My leg! My leg! How was I supposed to work with that? Who would take care of my father while I was in hospital? They called the new disability benefit PIP (Personal Independence Payments), the administrative process would take weeks of degrading interviews and I couldn’t start them from a hospital bed. Fuck. I looked at it, still not feeling any pain. It made a squelching noise when I tried to move it. Would it have to be amputated? How would I fight witches in hospital! How would I fight witches with one leg? 

I put my hand on it and concentrated on trying to feel it, to somehow assess the damage. In the corner of my eye Eve was looking nauseated, maybe speaking. My ears were still ringing from all that music; I was in no state to process speech. Ignoring her was rude but- but- my leg! My leg! Priorities firmly set, I looked at it and focused. My magic seemed in-reach. Deciding to push it onto my leg seems like a random decision in retrospect, especially as everything I’d touched with my powers before that had _turned into a bird_ , but it felt right somehow. New magical girl instincts, a part of this ‘magic sense’? 

Before my eyes, the bones shifted and flesh united with itself under a soft white glow emanating from my hands. It was a very surreal experience because I didn’t feel it – it was as though sensation had been completely shut off from that limb – but I could feel the contact with my hand. It was squishy, like something solid pushing up under a sheet to meet my hovering palm. The magic flowed through the limb for a short time until it was entirely repaired, and then dissipated. My soul gem was tainted now, but not by very much. Manageable. 

I tried moving the limb, and surely enough it responded. I could even feel the tarmac rubbing against my skin. It was an incredibly fucked up experience, but I decided to just run with it. I couldn’t change it and it was… good? There would be time for analysis later. Dazed, I turned to Eve. 

“Sorry I took the grief seed, Eve, but I really needed it.” Suddenly remembering I hadn’t told her my name, I expanded. “I’m Yelena, and I’ve been doing this for a while.” _A short while_. 

In that moment, immediate danger dissipated, I glanced around at my work colleagues. They seemed dazed still, in a trance-like state, but wandering off. I’ve seen it before – the aftermath of a witch’s kiss is a fugue which deadens their memory of being controlled, making it either disappear or become very dreamlike and abstract. I interviewed some people about it once, even brought them together and yelled at them about how they could have a shared dream (couldn’t they see it was _real_?). I think there’s some kind of block in place, because people’s thoughts skitter off all supernatural elements like they’re impossible to think about directly. It could be people’s natural mental aversion to remembering things that they’d rather forget, or it could just be _magic_. 

It’s difficult to try and think about things in my framework when anything could just be ‘magic’. Very tempting to write everything off as magic. Dark matter? Well, it’s probably magic. 

“Let them go. They’re safe now.” I told Eve somewhat sharply. Instantly feeling guilty, I elaborated. “They’ll be fine because the Witch is gone. Thanks for saving my life back there; couldn’t have done it without you.” 

My mind flitted to my father and, more importantly, my job. I should head back and arrive before the others so I couldn’t be accused of skipping work. Then again, this girl could prove a valuable ally. She hadn’t done much in the battle with the Witch (well, I did tell her to keep out of it) but her melee fighting style could definitely compliment mine. It would be useful to have an experimental partner, especially one so attractive – wait, where did that thought come from? Anyway, I could share my findings and she could talk about her experiences and then I’d finally get closer to finding out what all this magic was about. How it worked. 

“Hey Eve, do you want to form a team with me?” I asked her bluntly.


	4. Eve

The witch terrified me. A terror deeper, darker than any I had felt before. The only experience I could compare seeing the incomprehensible form descending in front of me to was the split second of paralysing fear I had felt before the car hit me. Yet, that was but an instant; here, the sickening terror only grew as the witch got closer, instead of vanishing into unconsciousness. My knees  did feel weak, and my heart was beating at a painful rhythm in my chest. I wanted to flee, but…

_But I can't, can I ?_

Knowing someone was in danger, probably even more than I was, was what pushed me to act. I jumped towards the witch, claws glowing, ready to strike. Would I even hurt something of this size ? The metal birds had been small enough to slice right through, but this… Was it even alive ? The amalgamation of musical instruments, metal limbs, and pure horror slowly turned its massive, eyeless head towards me. I got to see right inside its mouth; the rows of sharp piano keys rippling in a cacophonous tune that seemed to be mocking my desperate attempt to fight back. Again, terror froze me. _I can't win against this. This is beyond anything I'm capable of, this is almost beyond my understanding, I-_

 

"Don't forget about me !"

 

The weakened girl's voice tore through the air, shredding the despair that was gathering around me  in its wake. I glanced towards her : she had managed to stand up, and was now reaching for a… rock ? The hope she had inspired within me faltered for a second; _a rock isn't going to do shit against this._ But when she threw it, I gasped : the rock started glowing with a blinding light, and then… wings sprouted from it ? It looked to me like the rock had turned into some kind of bird made of pure energy. Agile on its radiant wings, it turned, and dive-bombed  into the witch's gaping maw.

"Let me handle it. I've done this before."

As if to add impact to her words, the glowing bird then exploded within the witch, cracking its head wide open. It looked seriously injured, the remains of its head hanging limp like a broken limb, ready to drop off.

The explosion packed some serious power; I had been aiming for the head, but the force of it blew me back against the wall. I wasn't injured though, and even managed to position myself in mid-air so that I could kick off the wall and back towards the witch. And so, I lunged at it a second time, now brimming over with renewed courage and hope. _We can do this. I don't know who she is, but she has magic, too. Together, we're going to beat this._

That's what I repeated to myself as I smashed into the witch's body, claws first, gouging out a large chunk of wood-like flesh from the sinister violin composing its body. The witch's attention seemed to be directed at the other girl : from the ragged remains of its mouth, it shot out broken teeth as deadly projectiles. As they flew out, they played their note one final time, creating a deadly, chaotic symphony aimed at my saviour. _Saviour ? Wasn't I the one helping her, a moment ago ?_

 

I didn't have time to think about that. Nor her. She seemed to be dodging the keys well enough, and judging by the explosions going off above my head, her birds were doing their job. And so, I clung to the witch's body like a large purple tick, tearing away at its hard, wooden flesh, before making my way over to the violin strings. One by one, I tore through them; _it must have a weakness_ , I reasoned, and so I made it my job to rip apart anything I could until I found it.

The cords snapped each with a violent, discordant tone, before flailing up towards the witch's head due to the release in pressure, leaving it with violent lacerations where the cords mercilessly lashed into its skin. It might not have killed it, but it was definitely doing some damage. A small shower of broken piano keys was falling past me, as proof of our combined efforts. Still, the disembodied instruments kept playing, their music seeming to get faster, more menacing.

The bird-wielder must have been doing something, because the witch's myriad wings suddenly flared out in a hypnotic, dazzling display of shining, rippling metal. It threw me off-guard, and out of precaution, I jumped towards the wall again, in case it tried to close those wings on me, or something to that effect. The burst of air coming from the wings seemed to carry with it a wave of dark, burning anger. Was it the witch's ? Or somehow, the anger of the people it had ruined the lives of ?

I landed against the wall, digging my claws in, in order to stay there for a second, long enough to assess the situation. And that's where I saw it happen. _Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no-_

The continuous fire coming from the witch's mouth finally struck its target. By macabre coincidence, I had been following the trajectory of the projectile that sailed through the air, and struck the other girl's leg with such force that it tore straight through it and out the other side. I was too far away to see any details, but the splatter of red that followed was unmistakable. _No, no no no !_ I was terrified for her, yet as I was about to leap towards her and get her to safety, she kept up her assault towards the legs, before… Standing up ? _Jumping ?!_

It was as if the pain didn't even phase her : blood spouting from her open wound, she was focused only on the witch, throwing one final projecting down the remains of its neck. Just from the brightness of this projectile, I could tell its strength was incomparable with that of the previous bird-rocks. The witch was torn apart by the blinding light as I remained there, clinging to the wall, stupefied ( _and_ _useless)_ as she single-handedly did more damage with that one attack than I had done during the entire fight.

 

And then, it was over.

 

The walls around us shattered just as the witch had. The discordant tune reached a painful crescendo before stopping abruptly, leaving only the memory of its sound ringing in my ears as I took in my surroundings. _I'm… back in front of the trash can ?_

I was a bit dazed, both by the blinding light from a split second before, and due to the sudden change of scenery. _We… we must have won, then ?_ All I could think of to explain this was that when a witch died, its labyrinth disappeared, kicking us right back to reality. Reality, with its solid, unmoving shapes, and lack of ghostly instruments floating around an unspecified space. As I got to my feet, I felt a bit like someone who had been on a long boat trip when they first arrived back on land : after having gotten used to the swaying, rocking motion of the waves, the stability of terra firma in turn seemed wrong, somehow. _Not that I'm not relieved to be back._

The people who had been hypnotised also seemed quite dazed, but slowly seemed to be coming to. I just stood there, almost in a trance, coming to grips with what had just happened. _I had finally found a witch. I was fighting it, protecting these people, protecting_ her _, wasn't it ? But in truth…_ Painful thoughts started bubbling their way to the surface of my consciousness. _In truth, I didn't really do anything, did I ? She bore the brunt of the witch's attacks; I wasn't even useful as a distraction. I was nothing much more than a mosquito buzzing around the monster, annoying it at best, unnoticed at worst, whilst she was the one tearing it apart, the one who actually killed it, I just…_ I felt tears welling up in my eyes. _I wanted to help, but I was the one who ended up needing to be saved. I've let her down, I've let Father down; with her around already, this town has no need for me, does it ?_

Putting my hands to my chest as if to try and hold in the tears, I felt the cold of my soul gem against my skin. _That's true, I'm still in this outfit..._ Through the same inexplicable instinct with which I had summoned it, I reverted the effects, turning my soul gem back into its usual form. I noticed it had grown quite a lot darker over the course of the last battle. _I guess it needs to recharge, or something._ Still feeling miserable, I noted that, at least, my normal clothes hadn't been torn where my magical outfit had. _I guess they're useful for that, at least,_ I noted bitterly.  

I had taken my time to grow accustomed to the sudden change of scenery; that wasn't the case, however, with the girl who had slain the witch : she seemed to be on top of the situation, crawling towards something despite… _oh god, her leg…_

I retched, trying my best not to throw up at the gruesome sight. From where she had reappeared to where she was now, a trail of blood an occasion grizzled lumps of skin traced her slow, painful path. Seeing her leg up close, I now realised the gravity of the wound. The piano key really had torn right through her leg, leaving a fleshy hole speckled with shards of broken bone, which rhythmically spat out gouts of blood over her skin, clothes, and surrounding tarmac. I couldn't claim to know much about medicine, but even I could tell that that leg was done for. There was no way anyone could repair that; she'd have it removed from above the wound downwards, and have to get a prosthetic, or something ? She was still moving around a bit; when the angle on her leg offered me a view of the bone stump that had been shattered beyond repair, I forced myself to look away, my stomach threatening me to expel its contents if I kept of looking with gruesome fascination.

Shortly after I did, though, I hear a faint sound, and noticed that a grey glow was coming from her. Turning around, I was once again surprised by this girl's magical powers : right before my eyes, I saw the wound knitting itself back up, creating flesh and bone from nothing until there was no longer any trace of the horrific damage she had been suffering only moments earlier.

“Sorry I took the grief seed, Eve, but I really needed it.”

Still under the effects of surprise, it took me a while to even process what she had said. _Grief Seed… Yes, we need to kill a witch, and take its grief seed, don't we ? Well, she's taken care of that, at least… I wonder why she's apologising for it, though ?_

“I’m Yelena, and I’ve been doing this for a while.”

To this, I finally reacted. "N-nice to meet you, I'm, I'm Eve," I told her, before realising that she had said my name only seconds ago. _I must have told it to her when I was in the labyrinth. Idiot._ My adrenaline-filled memories were, admittedly, fuzzy, but I did remember introducing myself to her, now. I felt stupid, struggling with my words after having fought a witch only moments ago, but now that I was actually talking to Yelena, the mysterious girl who had taken down the witch, I had nothing but… _admiration_ for her. _Hopefully she didn't notice what I said. Or is too polite to point it out…_

I could see her gaze wandering over to the people who had been under the witch's influence; they didn't seem to have quite recovered yet, but they were moving, at least. _Is that it ? They'll just go back to their everyday lives ? Do they even know what happened to them ?_

“Let them go. They’re safe now.”

The tone of her voice made me jump; I felt like she was scolding me for lingering on them, even though I'd only really been paying attention to them because I had followed her gaze. Before I had the time to stammer out an apology, she continued, less harshly this time.

“They’ll be fine because the Witch is gone. Thanks for saving my life back there; couldn’t have done it without you.”

For some reason, I felt myself blush slightly at her thanks. Now that she both wasn't in mortal peril and didn't have a repulsive-looking wound, I was seeing her properly for the first time. I couldn't say exactly what about her gave me this impression, but she seemed… quite mature. Realistically, she was probably no more than a year older than me, but it was something, maybe her stance, the look in her eyes, or the way that she moved, that made her seem like more of an adult that I was. Plus, she _was_ more competent that I; even in the wounded state that I had found her in, she had completely turned the situation around, killing the witch that I thought I'd been protecting her from. She was strong. _She is who I need to become if I'm going to be useful to anyone._ Lost in these thoughts, her next question took me once again completely off-guard.

 

“Hey Eve, do you want to form a team with me?”

 

I stared at her for a few seconds, mute and rapidly blinking. _A team ? With her ?_ My heart started beating rapidly, and my mouth started running before my brain could catch up.

"I, I think I'd.. I'd love…" _Calm down, Eve !_ Yelena did make me nervous, I had to admit; her abrupt was of speaking was part of it, definitely, but mostly, it was because I felt inadequate standing there next to her. I was meant to save her, yet had only caused more trouble. She obviously had this magical girl business all figured out; how on earth could I be of any use to her ? But still… she seemed sincere. She didn't seem like the kind of person who would ask someone to tag along with her simply out of pity. So, in that case…

I took a deep breath, calming myself. "Yes, I think I would quite like that." I felt a small rush as I said that. _I might not have to be alone in this !_ I couldn't stop the smile from spreading across my face. "Yes, definitely ! Let's form a team !"

I was smiling properly now, despite still being quite nervous in front of this quasi-stranger. In my mind, I was already imagining the adventures we might get up to, fighting back to back to rid the world of witches… It was a reassuring thought. I definitely felt like having someone else in the same situation as I was would help me immensely. Still, I felt like I had to be honest with her.

"The thing is, though… today was my first time fighting a witch. It was the first time using my powers at all, to be quite honest… I was discovering them as I went along. That's why I… wasn't much help against the witch. I'm sorry about that." I had turned my gaze down towards the tarmac ground for a while. _Maybe I was useless today, but now isn't the time to feel bad. If I'm going to get good at being a magical girl, I'm going to have to learn, and Yelena is giving me the perfect opportunity for that. So don't ruin it !_ I looked back at her, my eyes now burning with determination.

"I may have no experience right now, but I do want to learn. So, if you're willing to teach me… I won't disappoint you." _Disappointing other, or not. That's what it always comes down to with me, doesn't it ?_ I shook the thought away; right now, I needed to ask the things I was most confused about.

"If you don't mind me asking, there are some things Kyub… some things I was never explained. For example, I know I have to get Grief Seeds from the witches, but what are they, and why are they important, if the witch is already dead ? I know you took care of it this time, but I do feel like I should know, for future battles…" I assumed it was the source of the witch's power, and that getting rid of them stopped it from ever coming back, or something, but still, I needed to know as much as possible if I was to get on her level. Then a second thought struck me, one that made me feel sick to my stomach when I considered the possible implications.

"Also, I… I saw you healing yourself. Is that just part of your powers, like turning rocks into birds, or can I do that too ? If so… to what extent ?" I almost didn't want to hear the answer. If magical girls could heal themselves, without limits… _Had Kyubey screwed me over ? If I had chosen to save father, could I have also healed myself, anyway ?_ The thought made my blood boil. _Surely he wouldn't gain anything from tricking me into a false choice like that…_

Just then, I felt a vibration in my pocket. _Shit, that's probably mother !_ I quickly apologised to Yelena, grabbing my phone. _Oh, it's just a text._ "Remember to defrost your meal instead of just eating snacks. It's on the far right of the freezer. I'll be back around 11pm", it read. _Damn it, I won't be able to stay talking to Yelena as long as I'd like…_

"Sorry for interrupting anything you were saying, it's just that I'm not supposed to really be here at this time of night. But, it did make me think… If you want us to be a team, we should probably have each other's numbers, right ? It'll make it a lot easier to stay in contact, and maybe organise things ?" I hoped she would accept. For the reasons I had told her, but also… I just felt that it would be _nice._ With Emma in America, I didn't really… have any friends here, at all. My life had suddenly halted with my coma, whilst everyone else's had carried on, leaving me behind. Yet here was Yelena. She was a magical girl, too. Who knows what her wish had been, whether she had been presented with as much as a fucked-up choice as I had or not. What counted is that we were in this together. She was offering me a new beginning, and I fully intended to accept it.

 

I flashed her a timid smile. _Please, accept. It would mean more to me than you'd think._


	5. Yelena

As we stood there, in front of the garbage can, surrounded by the disoriented people we’d just saved, I noticed that I was shaking. I supposed this was the closest I’d ever come to death, and although the grief seed was a boost it wasn’t enough to erase the… the… trauma? Had that been trauma? No other witch had ever injured me before – even temporarily. I’d always left them in the labyrinth and gotten back to the personal hell I’d created for myself with begrudging ease. The distinction between the magical and “real” world had always been very clean. Magic was a necessary, oftentimes fun, hobby which was separate from my main struggle to survive. Kind of surreal, at times scary, but always within my control and the consequences of witch fights had never followed me out of individual battles. 

I supposed that was why I’d gotten complacent and allowed myself to become weak enough to be in actual danger. Although that witch had _felt_ stronger – it hadn’t just been my carelessness. I’d only really fought a handful before, defeating them all with ease, but that one’s projections alone had almost killed me. It was a reminder of how inexperienced I really was, how little I knew about magic in general but specifically the strength of individual witches. All the more reason to team up with someone else. 

Speaking of which, Eve was stuttering. "I, I think I'd.. I'd love…" 

I raised an eyebrow, amused by her anxious demeanour. She took a deep breath in and I idly noted how endearing she was when nervous, extremely important information I was sure would be relevant later. 

"Yes, I think I would quite like that.”  She grinned widely. "Yes, definitely! Let's form a team!" 

I clapped my hands together, also shooting her a smile. It was so disingenuous it hurt my face. “Great!” 

"The thing is, though… today was my first time fighting a witch. It was the first time using my powers at all, to be quite honest… I was discovering them as I went along. That's why I… wasn't much help against the witch. I'm sorry about that." She averted her eyes. 

I wasn’t surprised by the confession. What did stagger me was how self-effacingly she behaved, how she phrased her words in a way which minimized her achievements. It was completely illogical to me; in a relationship like ours we should have been competing, not admitting weaknesses, especially _imagined_ weaknesses. It was at this point that it became obvious just how little of a threat she was – standing there, apologising for saving my life. She wasn’t agreeing to this as a mutually-beneficial business arrangement, she was proposing a friendship. She didn’t want to be alone in a world only people like us could see. _Me neither_. 

"I may have no experience right now, but I do want to learn. So, if you're willing to teach me… I won't disappoint you." 

It was very, _very_ tempting to allow her to think of me as her mentor, as better than her in some way. To act like I knew everything and tuck her under my wing as a mother bird, coaching her into flight. With no friends, my horribly harsh lifestyle and the burden of being a magical girl the idea of some kind of… _power_ , or respect, or recognition, or anything really, was almost irresistible. Almost. But I didn’t respect myself – not after what I’d done to my father – so why should she respect me? If… if we were really going to be… _friends_ (everything in my memory warned me away from emotional intimacy but I pushed it all aside momentarily out of sheer, desperate loneliness) then I had to be honest. 

“I’ll teach you everything I know.” I replied straightforwardly, blandly. I was going to keep going, to explain my own inexperience, but she opened her mouth again and I let her speak first. 

"If you don't mind me asking, there are some things Kyub… some things I was never explained. For example, I know I have to get Grief Seeds from the witches, but what are they, and why are they important, if the witch is already dead? I know you took care of it this time, but I do feel like I should know, for future battles…” She rambled off and then oriented herself, continuing. 

"Also, I… I saw you healing yourself. Is that just part of your powers, like turning rocks into birds, or can I do that too? If so… to what extent?" 

She… she didn’t know about soul gem taint? That was urgent – even if we never saw each other after tonight because she didn’t honour our alliance, she wouldn’t survive without that information. For as much as I saw everyone else as heartless, I myself would not be responsible for someone’s death. Especially not when they’d saved my life. I’d be happy to share the little I knew. 

“It’s of the utmost importance that you understand how to use grief seeds.” I began, vaguely aware I was pontificating and about to launch into some kind of speech, but too tired to moderate my speech into something more accessible. “Your soul gem is linked-” I cut myself off when her phone buzzed, glaring. 

"Sorry for interrupting anything you were saying, it's just that I'm not supposed to really be here at this time of night. But, it did make me think… If you want us to be a team, we should probably have each other's numbers, right? It'll make it a lot easier to stay in contact, and maybe organise things?" She smiled in apology, but not even the cuteness could quell my wrath over the interruption. 

“Yeah. Sure.” I grunted. “Give me your phone, I’ll put my number in and you can text me.” I waved my hand in front of her impatiently, shoving the depleted grief seed into my pocket. Kyubey would come collect it later. She handed it over and after a few moments I gave it back, my information entered. She could contact me this way. 

“I also need to go, I’m covering the night shift at work.” I explained at her rather than to her, still irritated by the interruption. “But first I need to tell you some things. I’m not as experienced as you think, there’s a lot I still have to learn. I’ve only been doing this for a few weeks.” 

I took in a deep breath and continued, ignoring anything she might have been saying. I was in a rush and she’d interrupted me, so why should I pay attention to whether or not she was speaking? "I’m going to tell you how it is for me, it’s probably the same for you. My soul gem is linked to my mood. When it’s tainted – that’s when it becomes darker– I become… sadder. And weaker.” _Vast understatement_. “It gets tainted when I use your magic in any way, or whenever I feel bad. I don’t know either of these for sure – they’re just what I’ve deduced from observation. Other factors could also taint my soul gem, or these could be wrong. This might not even apply to you. I don’t know for certain. 

“In order to purify your soul gem, I need to defeat a witch and take her grief seed. You can shift the taint from your soul gem into the grief seed, then Kyubey,” I shuddered when I said his name, “will find you and take the used grief seed away. As for the healing, I… I really don’t know how powers work. Before this I was only able to turn things into birds – you see, it taints my soul gem to use magic, so I’ve only done it when necessary to defeat witches. I haven’t been able to experiment. That’s why I wasn’t wearing my outfit when we met – it uses magic and doesn’t offer any strategic advantage.” 

It was about then that I looked down and noticed the state of my trousers. Fuck! The healing powers evidently didn’t extend to fabric – they were stained with blood and one of the legs was almost severed. My work shirt was salvageable, thank goodness, but these were one of only _three_ pairs of trousers I owned. I needed them! Starting to appreciate the purpose of the absurd magical girl uniform, I furiously considered contingency plans. Ask the lady at the foodbank for more free clothes? But she always gave me such ugly ones… 

They were terribly conspicuous and the soaked blood would leave DNA evidence if I wanted to go out and spray paint some walls tonight. The police didn’t really send forensics out for petty vandalism, but I was far too careful to overlook something like that. Anyway, if they saw literal bloodstains they might decide to drag over a DNA kit, suspecting something more serious. 

I dragged myself out of my thoughts and focused back on Eve, blushing. Obviously, I’d been wrong about magical girl uniform being pointless, how embarrassing. “When I give Kyubey the grief seed I’ll ask him about healing. But I really need to get back to work now, text me! See you.” It was easier to run away. 

By the time I’d said goodbye I had already turned away and taken a few steps in the direction of the warehouse. I steeled my shoulders, unwilling to turn back now. I could lose my nerve to go into work covered in blood, and skipping my shift would mean losing my job. Once Eve was out of earshot it was a familiar toil to break into a jog, bloodstained jeans conspicuously flapping, as I rushed back along the familiar path to drudgery.

 

\----

 

The Amazon Warehouse was suspiciously quiet. My supervisor Mary was leaning against a crate by the entrance, looking at the door expectantly. I met her eyes as soon as I stepped inside and froze instantly. 

“Yelena, what happened to your leg?” Was that concern or anger? I couldn’t tell. 

“Um.” Shit, what was a believable excuse? “A car accident? I’m okay now, though.” 

“Go home. You can’t work in this state.” 

No. No. No. I was on a zero hours contract. I didn’t get paid sick leave; they weren’t obliged to employ me if I proved inconvenient, or to provide any redundancy payment or any kind of protection. I could lose everything. “Please, I really need this job, I-” 

Her gaze was unreadable. “Look, I can make an exception. I’ll log your shift, just take care of yourself, okay?” 

I was taken aback by her kindness. She’d log it, so I got paid and everything? It was more than I’d ever hope for, let alone expect. “Thank you.” I whispered, feeling guilty. I hadn’t really been in a car accident, I wasn’t even hurt… I did want to (need to?) go home, though. 

“Don’t worry about it.” Mary smiled (a grimace?). “Hardly anyone’s shown this evening, anyway.” I remembered the bewildered figures wandering away from the labyrinth’s edge. I had saved my colleagues lives? The thought felt like a question because I couldn’t comprehend it that way. I’d just done it for myself, to cleanse my soul gem, their wellbeing hadn’t even crossed my mind… 

I left her with a genuine, hopefully soft smile which betrayed none of my inner turmoil.

 

\----

 

Kyubey was waiting for me in my entrance hall, absurdly large white tail swishing rhythmically from side to side like a metronome. He looked at me. I wished he would blink. Those eyes were the colour of old blood. 

He scared me, more than anything else ever had or, I suspected, would. But I’d told Eve I would ask. It was a harmless question. It would be useful information. Those were enough reasons. I steeled myself. 

“I’ve got the grief seed, but first I have a question. Earlier today I healed myself – is this something I can do now? Just me or others? And I didn’t-” – my bone snapped and flesh splattered across the floor of my memory – “-feel pain.” 

“Ah, Yelena, you met Eve today. I think you will have a fruitful partnership.” _What? How did he know..?_ “Yes, all magical girls can heal their bodies with their magic and have an altered nervous system.” 

I stared at him, speechless, _altered how?_ stuck in my throat. How was I supposed to interact with the all-powerful unknown being who made my father comatose? He nodded to my pocket – at the grief seed. I tossed it at him, he adjusted his position slightly to intercept it. Then he left without further comment, turning around the corner with a ripple of magic. I wasn’t going to call him back or invite him into my home. 

Kyubey was deeply unsettling – not least because he was visibly inhuman and went to no lengths to hide his massive power. He wiped my father’s mind invisibly and instantly. I… I had many questions for him, but he scared me. It was better to just ask a few harmless ones incidentally, lest he consider me any kind of threat and carelessly, casually obliterate me like he did my father. Witches were nothing compared to him. I could kill witches. 

If he’d come back right after I’d worked out what I’d done, when I decided it was easier to hate him than myself, I might have fought him. But he left it until my first witch battle, and by then I was too scared and too smart to antagonize him. The fear remained, cloying and logical. I needed to be on his side. Witches were too clean in their misery – they were easy to hate, the concept of their simple evil fit neatly into my mind. They had clear motives, their movements were bestial and predictable. Kyubey, on the other hand? An unpredictable alien(?) with unknown motives and unknown power with a seemingly limitless reach. An alien who altered my nervous system, which included my _brain_ , and talked of my meeting with Eve in some bizarre show of omniscience. 

I shuddered and pulled off my shoes and blood-crusted pants. Had to wash them, but first I needed to help my father. He had to eat and wash and brush his teeth. I had to help him do these things. They weren’t optional, not like the cleaning I neglected and dirty dishes growing mouldy by the sink. 

Even though I’d only been caring for him for a few weeks, I’d fallen into an easy routine with my essential chores. Most of the tasks were repetitive and easy enough to do on auto-pilot. Sometimes I still wondered if I was missing things, somehow forgetting a part of taking care of another human; I’d never trained for this. But realistically it didn’t matter how good – or bad – I was, no one else would ever take my place. Me and a social worker, eventually, apparently. I was still waiting on that one. 

While I went about my business my thoughts drifted back to Eve, the pretty blonde shy girl who’d saved my life and then bashfully apologized for it. The way she’d fought with her claws had been mesmerizing, beautiful even in her inexperience. I could tell she’d grow and blossom into someone incredibly strong, although exactly how powerful relative to the average magical girl I had no idea. I began just picturing her lithe movements, wistfully looking forward to a notification on my phone. What if she never contacted me? There was no use thinking about that. Without a tainted soul gem to blame my negativity on I scowled, yanking my father from one position to another more harshly than necessary. Why did I have to think like that? It was pointlessly sad to catastrophize. I couldn’t afford the taint in my soul gem. 

By the time my father was in bed, adult nappy affixed, teeth brushed, fed, meds taken, washed, I was finally able to sit down and open up my notebook. There were certainly a lot of notes to take on today’s events. I started with some observations and potential conclusions: 

  1. The Witch today was stronger than previous witches. Witches can vary in power level significantly more than I initially thought.
  2. When my soul gem is severely tainted, it can lead to semi-paralysis. A severely tainted soul gem leaves me incapacitated and unable to fight witches – it is of the utmost importance that I keep it as clear as possible and do not leave witch hunting too late.
  3. My power is not shared by every other magical girl. Other potential powers include purple energy claws. I have not yet determined the mechanisms of these claws.
  4. Magical girl uniforms are not uniform. They seem to be unique costumes, potentially based on magic colour or personality traits. When formed, they avoid damage to the “real” clothes worn “underneath”.
  5. I have healed myself, regrowing tissue, muscles and forming bone. According to Kyubey, magical girls can all heal themselves and have ‘altered nervous systems’ (investigate my physical biology?), potentially including the ability to not feel pain.
  6. I can potentially: 
    1. Control the birds’ actions to some extent 
      1. With intent when throwing the stone
      2. Remotely, once the stone has been thrown and they are formed
    2. Produce birds of extreme power (under duress?)
    3. Produce ~~mythical~~ birds of a size not found in nature(?)
  7. ~~Eve is really cute and I hope I can see her again~~  



I stopped writing when I looked over the last point, it was clear that my mind was elsewhere. Thinking back to the advice I’d given Eve, I realized that I’d made some assumptions. How did I know that she also had a soul gem, or that it worked in a similar way to mine, when her powers worked so differently? I made another list, one of questions to ask Eve: 

  1. Does she also have a soul gem?
  2. If yes, does her soul gem respond to stimuli (i.e. magic use, mood) in the same way as mine?
  3. If no, does she have something else instead?
  4. Work out limitations and details of claw power.
  5. Check she can also heal.
  6. Check about “magical perception”. (Specify.) 



I was getting tired at that point, thoughts trailing off. Rest was important. My life and immediate responsibilities, especially caring for my father, had to take precedence over these investigations. I had time. 

I thought back on Eve, my saviour haloed with blonde hair, standing above me, slicing those birds in half. Sinking back into my pillow, I smiled. Today had been a success. I had faced death and, with help, avoided it. My soul gem was relatively pure. I felt light, clean, almost happy. 

_Eve, I can’t wait to meet you again._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in this chapter the social commentary on british social welfare takes a backseat so there can be social commentary on zero hour contracts. [heres some unrelated fanart](http://img12.deviantart.net/c1cb/i/2017/025/1/1/yelena_by_decoy_mantis-dawplow.png) \- clavain


	6. Eve

My weak, timid smile quickly faded when I saw the expression on Yelena's face. She looked _pissed._ I realised I probably had interrupted her, but the fear of my mother returning home and finding me gone so late at night terrified me, and that fear overrode my ability to think about anything else at that moment.

Yelena gruffly demanded that I hand over my phone. Everything from her voice to her way of hurrying me along with an impatient wave from her hand made me feel like shrinking back away from her, returning home as fast as possible. Barely a minute ago, she had proposed to form a team with me, but now… I had been enthusiastic at the idea; too enthusiastic, probably. _I've gone an annoyed her by asking too many questions at once, haven't I ?_ A memory of my mother telling me that I should be "seen, not heard" flashed to the forefront of my mind. _Noted._

Still, not wanting to further disappoint her, I handed over my phone. As it changed hands, I realised that this might not have been the best idea : it was a brand new model of a top-of-the-range phone, and I was handing over to a… well, almost a complete stranger. Plus, looking at her clothes, she didn't exactly seem very well-off… If she had decided to bolt away with it, I doubt I'd have been able to catch up with her, either. Still, I think my decision went beyond simple intimidation : in a way, I trusted her. Maybe it was just because she had saved my life ? Because we were both in this surreal situation together, so I felt like we were linked, somehow ?

Any fears I had had had been for nothing, in the end : she handed back my phone in the same rough manner that she had demanded it. A little wave of relief passed over me, but it was shortly lived : she explained that she had to leave for work, although in the way she said it, I almost felt like she was blaming me for that. Before I had time to stammer out a confused apology, she continued, and after a deep breath, started answering the questions I had asked.

I listened intently. _She was fairly new to this, too ?_ I was surprised at that : after all, the way she launched wave after wave of glowing birds, the way she'd summoned _something_ massive to rip the witch apart at the end… She seemed so much more powerful than I was. She'd picked all that up in a few weeks ? If I hadn't felt so intimidated, I might have smiled : having her on my side to teach me the way things worked would definitely be helpful.

Her explanation about Soul Gems made me feel a sinking sensation in my stomach. _That's what the darkening of my soul gem is about ?_ I had had no idea; if I hadn't met Yelena, would I have just let it get worse and worse ? I had been feeling… generally worse ever since making the contract, but I had attributed that to the events of my recent past, not some kind of… _magical depression_ ?

A problem quickly wormed its way into my mind. If the witches only dropped one Grief Seed, and she had taken it… Does that mean I wouldn't be able to purify mine ? I looked over Yelena again : she towered over me, probably at least a head higher than me. Despite seeming tired, she seemed physically strong, way stronger than I was, at least. If she decided to keep the grief seeds for herself, there wouldn't be much I could do about that… Surely she didn't intend to just bring me along to help defeat witches, and then keep the grief seeds to herself ? I rejected the idea; next time we killed a witch, I'd ask to have it. If she wanted this partnership to work out, she'd let me have it. _Right ?_

Her vague explanation about the way healing worked left me unsure of how to feel. In a way, I was glad that she didn't outright tell me I could have just healed my injuries if I had chosen to save my father. On the other hand, she hadn't denied that possibility, either…

I succeded only with great effort to stifle a little chuckle when she blushed, realising the state of her trousers. _Useless, hmm ?_ I had wondered how a pair of old jeans and an amazon shirt could possibly have been her magical girl outfit : after seeing how flashy and nice mine was, I had assumed all magical girls' costumes were like that, and so, that she had been a regular person. In a way, that had made me decide to help her out even faster. Still, wearing the costume was evidently the better choice, one that I was sure she'd be choosing next time. _I wonder if it'll look cute on her ?_

Maybe from embarrassment, maybe from simple time constraints, she was already backing away, saying her goodbyes. _Text me ! See you._ I might have been imagining things, but I thought I detected a bit of enthusiasm returning to her voice. _She's probably just too distracted by her job to think about being angry at me._ She left, leaving little drops of blood here and there along the tarmac, and by the time I stopped staring at where she had left to, I realised I was by myself. The others must have wandered off somewhere whilst we were talking. Standing there, alone, in an empty part of town, near a pool of blood and a suspicious-looking trash can, I felt a chill run through me. It was like I was suddenly aware of the potential hostility of the area. I needed to get home.

 

Walking at a brisk pace, I kept checking the clock on my phone. _10h30. I can still make it in time._ If mother had come home early, I had no idea how I'd even justify my absence. There was nowhere that I could have gone that would make sense; even the shops near my house were closed at this time of night, so I wouldn't be able to use that. And it wasn't like I could be visiting any friends. I no longer had any. Not since Emma had moved away…

I still felt bitter about everything that had happened. Because of one stroke of bad luck, one accident that one night, my life had fallen apart. The world had carried on without me during the months I was in a coma, taking away the few things I had been clutching on. Emma had moved on. Father had passed away. I didn't even know what I was going to do with myself any more. Wasn't I technically a highschool dropout, now ? I'd missed my exams, and thus failed the year, and due to how unexpected my recovery was, I hadn't been signed up for another year yet. I could tell mother didn't know what to do with me, and so she opted to just keep a watchful, unpleasant eye over me. In a way, being a magical girl seemed like it was going to become my full-time occupation… As long as I could find a way to reliably leave the house.

I couldn't help but think back to Yelena. She could almost have been my reason, if it wouldn't sound so suspicious : there was no way I could have suddenly made a friend online in the short amount of time I'd been out of hospital, and if she had been someone from school, mother would have heard about her already. She always insisted I present to her any friends I wanted to see, too, yet if I presented Yelena to her... That most likely wouldn't end well, snobbish as mother was. I let out a sigh of relief, turning the corner into my street and seeing that there was still no car parked in front of my house. _At least that ended up ok._

 

Warming up the food that was left in the freezer for me, I checked my phone. It was still on the "contacts" screen : there, right in the middle, was a new number. _Yelena._ It stood out, somehow. Not that there was anything special about the number itself, or anything tangible like that. It just… Seemed to call out to me. Wanting me to text her. I shook my head, turning the screen off again. _She's probably still working, anyway._

As the microwave hummed, turning the chicken from a frigid lump to a warm, edible meal, I pictured her at work. The amazon shirt probably meant she worked in one of the warehouses, especially since there was one close to where I had met her. What do they even do, there ? Move boxes around ? _Sounds tiring._ I think I felt a bit sorry for her. She barely seemed much older than I was, yet she was working both in the afternoon, and a night shift ? Whatever her reasons, it must be tough…

The _ding_ of the microwave snapped me out of my thoughts. No use thinking about that; she didn't seem to be the type who'd talk much about herself, anyway. And I wasn't the type to ask. I glanced up at the kitchen clock : 10h52. I'd have to eat this in my room, in case mother returned and asked why I had taken so long to heat up dinner.

 

Ten minutes later, she had returned. Another five minutes later, I had been dismissed : as far as she could tell, I had simply spent my time here, at home. _Not fighting some kind of violin-origami monstrosity._ Finishing my now-lukewarm chicken, fatigue hit me like a sledgehammer. I must have been so stressed out by the battle itself, then Yelena, then my mother, that I hadn't had time to notice how tired it had made me.

I allowed myself to collapse onto my bed. The soft blankets wrapped around me, luring me into sleep. _Not yet, though._ From my ring, I summoned my soul gem. Now that I knew I wasn't just imagining things, I noticed just how much darker it had become since the very first time I saw it. A cloudy darkness swam under the purple, shining surface, sucking in the light around it, tainting it. I felt like that darkness was inside me, dragging me down. _Magical depression. That's really not what I need after my father's death._

 

Returning it into the ring, I lay there in bed, motionless, for a few minutes. I was coming to realise what I'd gotten myself into. Fighting witches wasn't a choice, was it ? The longer I put it off, the worse state I'd get into… Mother be damned, I'd need to get out of the house more often that I currently did. Even if it meant jumping out the window again. I seemed to be able to withstand falling from great heights, so I didn't even have to worry about that, did I ?

 

My phone buzzed. Brief excitement turned quickly to disappointment : it was only an automated message about my phone contract. Idly, I ended up scrolling through various social media, barely paying attention to what I was reading. Bored, I started closing my apps, ready to sleep. Yet, again, I came across my contacts list. There she was, standing out in a sea of names lost to the tides of the past. Something came over me. Was it anger ? Disappointment ? I couldn't tell, but seeing all the names of people who I used to see every day at school, people who I had considered maybe not quite friends but at least amicable acquaintances, yet who had carried on without me, leaving me stuck in the past, it pissed me off. _Let them carry on, then. Let them have their lives, with their exams they didn't miss, with their fathers who didn't die._ _I may have lost months from my life, but I'm starting again._

One by one, I started deleting these fragments of my ruptured past. _Casey. Marion. Alison. Georgina. Deleted._ I wasn't ever going to talk to them again, and neither were they. During the whole time I had been in a coma, I had barely received anything from anyone. It saddened me, at the time. But now, I realised they were just in a different time to me, a different world. Now, I was a magical girl. I needed to start over.

 

By the end, there were only a few names left. Family members, mostly. Emma, who I couldn't bring myself to delete. And, of course, Yelena. I didn't have the courage, nor the energy, to text her tonight, but I promised myself that I would in the next few days. Scary as she was, as different as we were, I needed her.

 

_I'm starting again, and you're the key to that. You can show me this new world we're in together, Yelena._


End file.
